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So I am left wondering: Do I stay in a mediocre marriage for the kids, or do I leave for my own interest? Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

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There is no more spark. How much empathy do you have for her experience of the marriage and what her wants and needs are?

Lori Gottlieb Eventually, my wife found out about this, but she still wants to work on our marriage. That, combined with the lack of intimacy in our relationship, makes me wonder if I would be happier with a divorce.

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Communication issues can lead to a person feeling emotionally unavailable, and many people who feel that way come alive in the presence of a shiny new potential partner. Moreover, if you two eventually have children together, you may find yourself five or 10 years from now wondering how you ended up in the same situation once again: content, but with decreased intimacy, increased tension, and a nagging sense that Mocha Almond Fudge is an even better flavor of ice cream than Rocky Road.

Any advice? Another thing for you to consider as you go through this process is that no one else can tell you what to do.

Experiencing such an intense mutual connection feels wonderful, and your task lasy is to understand the nature of it better. If you were to leave now, you would be the single father of a young child and a newborn, with seeeking girlfriend who may not have an interest in raising these children with you—changing diapers, waking up several times a night, spending time at baby birthday parties and the pediatrician and the park.

I still love my wife, but I am just not in love with her. When I look down either road, I can see ladh fear and regret.

How open are you to her true self? I feel much better when I am actually heard, but the resulting fights are frustrating because they are fruitless. Nobody—not your wife, not a new partner, not your daughter—can fill that hole for you, even if marrried seems like your co-worker is doing so in the moment.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. This is especially important because, as you tell it, your earlier decision to get back together with your now-wife was influenced, at least in part, by the opinions of family and friends.

Only then will you be able to make a decision not out of guilt or confusion or quiet desperation, but out of a grounded place of knowing. You say the spark is no longer in your marriage and on a positive note, you remember the sparkbut many parents entrenched in the day-to-day with infants or sekeing feel this way, and seek out, either in fantasy or reality, a welcome escape from the sometimes mundane, roommate-like existence that couples can fall into during this phase of life.